Fashion · Female · Gratitude · Happiness · Ramblings

Mindful Mothering, Living and Dying, & Accepting

In leu of events that have occurred in my life & close friends’ lives, as well as the changes happening in our society, I wanted to write about motherhood, womanhood, life, and death. I’m not going to talk about my and my friend’s personal experiences in this subject…but I’m going to say that there is something about making a decision when it comes to family planning, with weighing out the consequences and benefits of making certain choices. Also, with that said, I am pro-choice. But more so than being pro-choice, I’m pro-safety, pro-awareness, and pro-respect. Take all of those labels as you want to, because I know what they mean to me, so decide what they mean to you and enjoy (or hate) the rest of this post based in your own subjective view on this subject. This blog is not going to talk about abortion, pregnancy, or condoms…it is going to talk about mindful parenting, social taboos, and respect.

One of my best friends is a single mother of a wonderful 2 and a few months year old boy – who I think is a genius and a prodigy waiting to happen. And how does that happen? Giving your child respect, love, empowerment, compassion, and the ability to learn and grow, is key to ensuring that they are strong and intelligent members of society further down the road. I, over the past year, have grown to respect her more than any person in the world. Now, of course, us being friends, I’ve always loved her and appreciated her…but I never thought of her as a role model. We are different people. We agree on some things, but some things we don’t. It doesn’t matter because at the end of the day, she is doing something that I couldn’t do, not yet anyways. She’s raising a son, as a single mom, with a full-time job, above and beyond the expectations set by our society.

There are lots of statistics out there – and I won’t really go in to them, but many people understand that life for a single parent is hard. Life for a single parent, who holds a full-time job, is really hard – not only are there daycare costs, long days, and financial struggles, but there is also the society expectation that oh, if you are a full-time job, you don’t need any help. BUT if you have 3 kids, feed them soda, and don’t have a job, sure, here’s $300 a month to buy more crappy food with. Once again, these are my personal beliefs, so agree or disagree with them as you please.

I’ve never really had a role model in my life. There are, of course, people who I think are inspirational. There are people, in this world, who have taught me things. But there is no one that I want to be like. However, over the past few years, I’ve been discovering and enjoying, with all my heart, the music and words of Ani DiFranco. Now, I know I’m a little late in the game, as she was a HUGE influence in the 90s…but well, my music interest didn’t peak until late high school, so I’m just getting involved into the music scene that shapes my world. And Ani does this. She is expecting another child and started a thing (no website yet, so it is hard to say what is coming next) called Mindful Mama. This idea, in itself, inspires me.

Ani, throughout her music and words, has led me to a greater understanding of feminism. Feminism is more about accepting people for who they are, than just being all GO WOMEN, DOWN WITH MEN! Should we do what we are told? Or should we do what we feel, inside, is the right thing to do? Sometimes we’re told to do the right thing, but sometimes we aren’t. We aren’t told, when we are 13, that if we can’t openly talk about having sex with someone, that MAYBE, just maybe, we shouldn’t be having sex with them. Maybe you heard it, but I sure didn’t. I’ve spent years, days, hours, and seconds, analyzing my past relationships and, often, wishing that I hadn’t gotten involved with this person or that person…but I did because I was lonely and wanted the comfort of someone caring about me. Why didn’t I just care about myself? Because society told me I needed someone else.

So, now let’s get into the living and dying…oh so morbid. Now, many people aren’t aware of this – but during the Renaissance and into the modern age – babies, all over Europe, were being taken to fondling homes, where they “died in the arms of God” which made it okay, and that they were going to heaven. Now, in the scientific age, that we (yes, even you people out there who still want to teach creationism) live in, we can understand that death is a painful thing and no one, no matter what age, should have to experience death, especially if the pain of starvation can be subdued by an abortion early on in pregnancy.

So, let’s get back to fondling homes. Fondling homes were places where nuns lived and mothers would drop of infants, so the nuns could feed them, until they died  of starvation, because this was the morally acceptable thing to do. In my mind, all I can say is WHAT THE FUCK?!. So, because the Catholic religion didn’t allow birth control, and hundreds of thousands of people lived in poverty…there was a major issue with being able to afford having another child…but of course, as husband and wife, your job was to reproduce so you better not stop, or the Catholic church condemned you as sinners. Okay, so then these women would get pregnant and have a baby, knowing all along, that as soon as this baby was born, they weren’t able to afford food for this child, so they’d drop the babies off at fondling homes, where they were nursed until they died. Why did the die? Because nuns weren’t sexually active and therefore, didn’t produce breast milk – so these babies would just suck on a dry nipple until they finally starved and died.

BUT modern-day abortions are EVIL. Right…

Here is a beautiful song, a mashup of a few songs, that shows the pain and beauty behind abortions and the loss of a child. I ask that society accepts that sometimes women make a conscious decision to not keep a child because it is the best choice for the woman, the child, the family, and the society. And I’ll be damned if ANYONE tries to convince me that it is okay to bring a child into this world that doesn’t have a loving parental figure, that won’t have food on the table, and that won’t get to experience the joys that we are able to have in this world – when we are in a stable financial state, and can provide this type of life to a child. Because if we can’t, then we are harming them. And we are harming society. And I am sick and tired of society being the victim and no one giving a shit.

Now, acceptance, is the last of this blog post. Accepting people for who they are is very important. Be judgement free. And when I say this, all I can think about is how anyone who disagrees with my above statements, that I have judged them in the past. I judge people because they are pro-life. Well, I’m not pro-death or pro-murder or pro-killing kids. I’m just pro-society. I’m pro-awareness. So let’s always remain aware that there are people who will not agree with us, no matter what, and that is okay. It really is okay. All it takes, in our country, is 51% to think of it the “right” way. So let’s stay on the right side of history and protect our society today and in the future.

With all that said, love yourself, and love others, and love the fact that we have the medical technology to do things in a safe way, that protect the mother and the baby.

Until next time, stay classy & true to yourself ❤

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